Res Ipsa Loquitur

From the New York Times:

Following is the prepared text of President Obama's speech at the Nobel Peace Prize ceremony in Oslo on Wednesday, as released by the White House:

Your Majesties, Your Royal Highnesses, Distinguished Members of the Norwegian Nobel Committee, citizens of America, and citizens of the world:

I receive this honor with deep gratitude and great humility. It is an award that speaks to our highest aspirations that for all the cruelty and hardship of our world, we are not mere prisoners of fate. Our actions matter, and can bend history in the direction of justice.

And yet I would be remiss if I did not acknowledge the considerable controversy that your generous decision has generated. In part, this is because I am at the beginning, and not the end, of my labors on the world stage. Compared to some of the giants of history who have received this prize Schweitzer and King; Marshall and Mandela my accomplishments are slight. And then there are the men and women around the world who have been jailed and beaten in the pursuit of justice; those who toil in humanitarian organizations to relieve suffering; the unrecognized millions whose quiet acts of courage and compassion inspire even the most hardened of cynics. I cannot argue with those who find these men and women some known, some obscure to all but those they help to be far more deserving of this honor than I.

But perhaps the most profound issue surrounding my receipt of this prize is the fact that I am the Commander-in-Chief of a nation in the midst of two wars. One of these wars is winding down. The other is a conflict that America did not seek; one in which we are joined by forty three other countries including Norway in an effort to defend ourselves and all nations from further attacks.

Still, we are at war, and I am responsible for the deployment of thousands of young Americans to battle in a distant land. Some will kill. Some will be killed. And so I come here with an acute sense of the cost of armed conflict filled with difficult questions about the relationship between war and peace, and our effort to replace one with the other.

These questions are not new. War, in one form or another, appeared with the first man. At the dawn of history, its morality was not questioned; it was simply a fact, like drought or disease the manner in which tribes and then civilizations sought power and settled their differences.

Over time, as codes of law sought to control violence within groups, so did philosophers, clerics, and statesmen seek to regulate the destructive power of war. The concept of a "just war" emerged, suggesting that war is justified only when it meets certain preconditions: if it is waged as a last resort or in self-defense; if the forced used is proportional, and if, whenever possible, civilians are spared from violence.

For most of history, this concept of just war was rarely observed. The capacity of human beings to think up new ways to kill one another proved inexhaustible, as did our capacity to exempt from mercy those who look different or pray to a different God. Wars between armies gave way to wars between nations total wars in which the distinction between combatant and civilian became blurred. In the span of thirty years, such carnage would twice engulf this continent. And while it is hard to conceive of a cause more just than the defeat of the Third Reich and the Axis powers, World War II was a conflict in which the total number of civilians who died exceeded the number of soldiers who perished.

In the wake of such destruction, and with the advent of the nuclear age, it became clear to victor and vanquished alike that the world needed institutions to prevent another World War. And so, a quarter century after the United States Senate rejected the League of Nations an idea for which Woodrow Wilson received this Prize America led the world in constructing an architecture to keep the peace: a Marshall Plan and a United Nations, mechanisms to govern the waging of war, treaties to protect human rights, prevent genocide, and restrict the most dangerous weapons.

In many ways, these efforts succeeded. Yes, terrible wars have been fought, and atrocities committed. But there has been no Third World War. The Cold War ended with jubilant crowds dismantling a wall. Commerce has stitched much of the world together. Billions have been lifted from poverty. The ideals of liberty, self-determination, equality and the rule of law have haltingly advanced. We are the heirs of the fortitude and foresight of generations past, and it is a legacy for which my own country is rightfully proud.

A decade into a new century, this old architecture is buckling under the weight of new threats. The world may no longer shudder at the prospect of war between two nuclear superpowers, but proliferation may increase the risk of catastrophe. Terrorism has long been a tactic, but modern technology allows a few small men with outsized rage to murder innocents on a horrific scale.

Moreover, wars between nations have increasingly given way to wars within nations. The resurgence of ethnic or sectarian conflicts; the growth of secessionist movements, insurgencies, and failed states; have increasingly trapped civilians in unending chaos. In today's wars, many more civilians are killed than soldiers; the seeds of future conflict are sewn, economies are wrecked, civil societies torn asunder, refugees amassed, and children scarred.

I do not bring with me today a definitive solution to the problems of war. What I do know is that meeting these challenges will require the same vision, hard work, and persistence of those men and women who acted so boldly decades ago. And it will require us to think in new ways about the notions of just war and the imperatives of a just peace.

We must begin by acknowledging the hard truth that we will not eradicate violent conflict in our lifetimes. There will be times when nations acting individually or in concert will find the use of force not only necessary but morally justified.

I make this statement mindful of what Martin Luther King said in this same ceremony years ago: "Violence never brings permanent peace. It solves no social problem: it merely creates new and more complicated ones." As someone who stands here as a direct consequence of Dr. King's life's work, I am living testimony to the moral force of non-violence. I know there is nothing weak, nothing passive, nothing naive in the creed and lives of Gandhi and King.

But as a head of state sworn to protect and defend my nation, I cannot be guided by their examples alone. I face the world as it is, and cannot stand idle in the face of threats to the American people. For make no mistake: evil does exist in the world. A non-violent movement could not have halted Hitler's armies. Negotiations cannot convince al Qaeda's leaders to lay down their arms. To say that force is sometimes necessary is not a call to cynicism, it is a recognition of history; the imperfections of man and the limits of reason.

I raise this point because in many countries there is a deep ambivalence about military action today, no matter the cause. At times, this is joined by a reflexive suspicion of America, the world's sole military superpower.

Yet the world must remember that it was not simply international institutions, not just treaties and declarations, that brought stability to a post-World War II world. Whatever mistakes we have made, the plain fact is this: the United States of America has helped underwrite global security for more than six decades with the blood of our citizens and the strength of our arms.

The service and sacrifice of our men and women in uniform has promoted peace and prosperity from Germany to Korea, and enabled democracy to take hold in places like the Balkans. We have borne this burden not because we seek to impose our will. We have done so out of enlightened self-interest because we seek a better future for our children and grandchildren, and we believe that their lives will be better if other peoples' children and grandchildren can live in freedom and prosperity.

So yes, the instruments of war do have a role to play in preserving the peace. And yet this truth must coexist with another that no matter how justified, war promises human tragedy. The soldier's courage and sacrifice is full of glory, expressing devotion to country, to cause and to comrades in arms. But war itself is never glorious, and we must never trumpet it as such.

So part of our challenge is reconciling these two seemingly irreconcilable truths, that war is sometimes necessary, and war is at some level an expression of human feelings. Concretely, we must direct our effort to the task that President Kennedy called for long ago. "Let us focus," he said, "on a more practical, more attainable peace, based not on a sudden revolution in human nature but on a gradual evolution in human institutions."

What might this evolution look like? What might these practical steps be?

To begin with, I believe that all nations, strong and weak alike, must adhere to standards that govern the use of force. I, like any head of state, reserve the right to act unilaterally if necessary to defend my nation. Nevertheless, I am convinced that adhering to standards strengthens those who do, and isolates - and weakens - those who don't.

The world rallied around America after the 9/11 attacks, and continues to support our efforts in Afghanistan, because of the horror of those senseless attacks and the recognized principle of self-defense. Likewise, the world recognized the need to confront Saddam Hussein when he invaded Kuwait, a consensus that sent a clear message to all about the cost of aggression.

Furthermore, America cannot insist that others follow the rules of the road if we refuse to follow them ourselves. For when we don't, our action can appear arbitrary, and undercut the legitimacy of future intervention, no matter how justified.

This becomes particularly important when the purpose of military action extends beyond self defense or the defense of one nation against an aggressor. More and more, we all confront difficult questions about how to prevent the slaughter of civilians by their own government, or to stop a civil war whose violence and suffering can engulf an entire region.

I believe that force can be justified on humanitarian grounds, as it was in the Balkans, or in other places that have been scarred by war. Inaction tears at our conscience and can lead to more costly intervention later. That is why all responsible nations must embrace the role that militaries with a clear mandate can play to keep the peace.

America's commitment to global security will never waiver. But in a world in which threats are more diffuse, and missions more complex, America cannot act alone. This is true in Afghanistan. This is true in failed states like Somalia, where terrorism and piracy is joined by famine and human suffering. And sadly, it will continue to be true in unstable regions for years to come.

The leaders and soldiers of NATO countries - and other friends and allies - demonstrate this truth through the capacity and courage they have shown in Afghanistan. But in many countries, there is a disconnect between the efforts of those who serve and the ambivalence of the broader public. I understand why war is not popular. But I also know this: the belief that peace is desirable is rarely enough to achieve it. Peace requires responsibility. Peace entails sacrifice.

That is why NATO continues to be indispensable. That is why we must strengthen UN and regional peacekeeping, and not leave the task to a few countries. That is why we honor those who return home from peacekeeping and training abroad to Oslo and Rome; to Ottawa and Sydney; to Dhaka and Kigali - we honor them not as makers of war, but as wagers of peace.

Let me make one final point about the use of force. Even as we make difficult decisions about going to war, we must also think clearly about how we fight it. The Nobel Committee recognized this truth in awarding its first prize for peace to Henry Dunant, the founder of the Red Cross, and a driving force behind the Geneva Conventions.

Where force is necessary, we have a moral and strategic interest in binding ourselves to certain rules of conduct. And even as we confront a vicious adversary that abides by no rules, I believe that the United States of America must remain a standard bearer in the conduct of war. That is what makes us different from those whom we fight. That is a source of our strength. That is why I prohibited torture. That is why I ordered the prison at Guantanamo Bay closed. And that is why I have reaffirmed America's commitment to abide by the Geneva Conventions. We lose ourselves when we compromise the very ideals that we fight to defend. And we honor those ideals by upholding them not just when it is easy, but when it is hard.

I have spoken to the questions that must weigh on our minds and our hearts as we choose to wage war. But let me turn now to our effort to avoid such tragic choices, and speak of three ways that we can build a just and lasting peace.

First, in dealing with those nations that break rules and laws, I believe that we must develop alternatives to violence that are tough enough to change behavior - for if we want a lasting peace, then the words of the international community must mean something. Those regimes that break the rules must be held accountable. Sanctions must exact a real price. Intransigence must be met with increased pressure and such pressure exists only when the world stands together as one.

One urgent example is the effort to prevent the spread of nuclear weapons, and to seek a world without them. In the middle of the last century, nations agreed to be bound by a treaty whose bargain is clear: all will have access to peaceful nuclear power; those without nuclear weapons will forsake them; and those with nuclear weapons will work toward disarmament. I am committed to upholding this treaty. It is a centerpiece of my foreign policy. And I am working with President Medvedev to reduce America and Russia's nuclear stockpiles.

But it is also incumbent upon all of us to insist that nations like Iran and North Korea do not game the system. Those who claim to respect international law cannot avert their eyes when those laws are flouted. Those who care for their own security cannot ignore the danger of an arms race in the Middle East or East Asia. Those who seek peace cannot stand idly by as nations arm themselves for nuclear war.

The same principle applies to those who violate international law by brutalizing their own people. When there is genocide in Darfur; systematic rape in Congo; or repression in Burma, there must be consequences. And the closer we stand together, the less likely we will be faced with the choice between armed intervention and complicity in oppression.

This brings me to a second point, the nature of the peace that we seek. For peace is not merely the absence of visible conflict. Only a just peace based upon the inherent rights and dignity of every individual can truly be lasting.

It was this insight that drove drafters of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights after the Second World War. In the wake of devastation, they recognized that if human rights are not protected, peace is a hollow promise.

And yet all too often, these words are ignored. In some countries, the failure to uphold human rights is excused by the false suggestion that these are Western principles, foreign to local cultures or stages of a nation's development. And within America, there has long been a tension between those who describe themselves as realists or idealists, a tension that suggests a stark choice between the narrow pursuit of interests or an endless campaign to impose our values.

I reject this choice. I believe that peace is unstable where citizens are denied the right to speak freely or worship as they please; choose their own leaders or assemble without fear. Pent up grievances fester, and the suppression of tribal and religious identity can lead to violence. We also know that the opposite is true. Only when Europe became free did it finally find peace. America has never fought a war against a democracy, and our closest friends are governments that protect the rights of their citizens. No matter how callously defined, neither America's interests - nor the world's - are served by the denial of human aspirations.

So even as we respect the unique culture and traditions of different countries, America will always be a voice for those aspirations that are universal. We will bear witness to the quiet dignity of reformers like Aung Sang Suu Kyi; to the bravery of Zimbabweans who cast their ballots in the face of beatings; to the hundreds of thousands who have marched silently through the streets of Iran. It is telling that the leaders of these governments fear the aspirations of their own people more than the power of any other nation. And it is the responsibility of all free people and free nations to make clear to these movements that hope and history are on their side

Let me also say this: the promotion of human rights cannot be about exhortation alone. At times, it must be coupled with painstaking diplomacy. I know that engagement with repressive regimes lacks the satisfying purity of indignation. But I also know that sanctions without outreach, and condemnation without discussion, can carry forward a crippling status quo. No repressive regime can move down a new path unless it has the choice of an open door.

In light of the Cultural Revolution's horrors, Nixon's meeting with Mao appeared inexcusable, and yet it surely helped set China on a path where millions of its citizens have been lifted from poverty, and connected to open societies. Pope John Paul's engagement with Poland created space not just for the Catholic Church, but for labor leaders like Lech Walesa. Ronald Reagan's efforts on arms control and embrace of perestroika not only improved relations with the Soviet Union, but empowered dissidents throughout Eastern Europe. There is no simple formula here. But we must try as best we can to balance isolation and engagement; pressure and incentives, so that human rights and dignity are advanced over time.

Third, a just peace includes not only civil and political rights - it must encompass economic security and opportunity. For true peace is not just freedom from fear, but freedom from want.
It is undoubtedly true that development rarely takes root without security; it is also true that security does not exist where human beings do not have access to enough food, or clean water, or the medicine they need to survive. It does not exist where children cannot aspire to a decent education or a job that supports a family. The absence of hope can rot a society from within.

And that is why helping farmers feed their own people - or nations educate their children and care for the sick - is not mere charity. It is also why the world must come together to confront climate change. There is little scientific dispute that if we do nothing, we will face more drought, famine and mass displacement that will fuel more conflict for decades. For this reason, it is not merely scientists and activists who call for swift and forceful action it is military leaders in my country and others who understand that our common security hangs in the balance.

Agreements among nations. Strong institutions. Support for human rights. Investments in development. All of these are vital ingredients in bringing about the evolution that President Kennedy spoke about. And yet, I do not believe that we will have the will, or the staying power, to complete this work without something more, and that is the continued expansion of our moral imagination; an insistence that there is something irreducible that we all share.

As the world grows smaller, you might think it would be easier for human beings to recognize how similar we are; to understand that we all basically want the same things; that we all hope for the chance to live out our lives with some measure of happiness and fulfillment for ourselves and our families.

And yet, given the dizzying pace of globalization, and the cultural leveling of modernity, it should come as no surprise that people fear the loss of what they cherish about their particular identities - their race, their tribe, and perhaps most powerfully their religion. In some places, this fear has led to conflict. At times, it even feels like we are moving backwards. We see it in Middle East, as the conflict between Arabs and Jews seems to harden. We see it in nations that are torn asunder by tribal lines.

Most dangerously, we see it in the way that religion is used to justify the murder of innocents by those who have distorted and defiled the great religion of Islam, and who attacked my country from Afghanistan. These extremists are not the first to kill in the name of God; the cruelties of the Crusades are amply recorded. But they remind us that no Holy War can ever be a just war. For if you truly believe that you are carrying out divine will, then there is no need for restraint, no need to spare the pregnant mother, or the medic, or even a person of one's own faith. Such a warped view of religion is not just incompatible with the concept of peace, but the purpose of faith for the one rule that lies at the heart of every major religion is that we do unto others as we would have them do unto us.

Adhering to this law of love has always been the core struggle of human nature. We are fallible. We make mistakes, and fall victim to the temptations of pride, and power, and sometimes evil. Even those of us with the best intentions will at times fail to right the wrongs before us.

But we do not have to think that human nature is perfect for us to still believe that the human condition can be perfected. We do not have to live in an idealized world to still reach for those ideals that will make it a better place. The non-violence practiced by men like Gandhi and King may not have been practical or possible in every circumstance, but the love that they preached - their faith in human progress - must always be the North Star that guides us on our journey.

For if we lose that faith, if we dismiss it as silly or naive; if we divorce it from the decisions that we make on issues of war and peace - then we lose what is best about humanity. We lose our sense of possibility. We lose our moral compass.

Like generations have before us, we must reject that future. As Dr. King said at this occasion so many years ago, "I refuse to accept despair as the final response to the ambiguities of history. I refuse to accept the idea that the 'isness' of man's present nature makes him morally incapable of reaching up for the eternal 'oughtness' that forever confronts him."

So let us reach for the world that ought to be that spark of the divine that still stirs within each of our souls. Somewhere today, in the here and now, a soldier sees he's outgunned but stands firm to keep the peace. Somewhere today, in this world, a young protestor awaits the brutality of her government, but has the courage to march on. Somewhere today, a mother facing punishing poverty still takes the time to teach her child, who believes that a cruel world still has a place for his dreams.

Let us live by their example. We can acknowledge that oppression will always be with us, and still strive for justice. We can admit the intractability of depravation, and still strive for dignity. We can understand that there will be war, and still strive for peace. We can do that, for that is the story of human progress; that is the hope of all the world; and at this moment of challenge, that must be our work here on Earth.

The Cure for Being Sick of Christmas Music

Legends Convey a Truth, Even When They're Fictional

That's why the good ones survive.
_______________________________
Barbara Walters once did a 20/20 story on gender roles in Kabul, Afghanistan, several years before the Afghan conflict. She noted that women customarily walked five paces behind their husbands.

She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walk behind their husbands. Despite the overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime, the women now seem to, and seem happy to, maintain the old custom.

Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked, 'Why do you now seem happy with an old custom that you once tried so desperately to change?'

The woman replied, without hesitation, "Land mines."
_______________________________
It says here, that this is a legend. So what?

When You Leave Your House

in the morning and see this:

Just go back in the house, pour another cup of coffee, and stay there.

It probably isn't going to be a good day.

Wow!

This wonderful video was forwarded to me by my mom.

I'm going to try to find out where and when it was recorded and who the performers are. I'll post an answer if I find one. If you know, please tell.

In the meantime, enjoy!

Tiger Woods is Stupid

Please add Tiger to my Stupid List, right next to Eddie Van Halen, Ethan Hawke and an anonymous idiot who was once nicknamed Clooney.



Click here to see eleven more reasons. By my count, they're collectively worth 12,000 words.

Plus, they've got two kids.

Plus, one was just born.

Dolt!

And Then the Fight Started

Dispatches from the front*:

My wife sat down on the settee next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'

And then the fight started...
- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -

My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"

"No," she answered.

I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And then the fight started....
- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -

I'd anticipated it all week. Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked the boat up to the van, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
My loving wife of 5 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"

And then the fight started...
- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it...... He was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"

So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"

And then the fight started.....
- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.' I bought her a bathroom scale.

And then the fight started...
- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her some place expensive... so, I took her to a gas station.

And then the fight started...
- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'

And then the fight started...
- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started...
- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason took my order first. "I'll have the steak, medium rare, please." He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"

"Nah, she can order for herself."

And then the fight started...
- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -

A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replied, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And then the fight started.....

*Thanks, Michel. You forward great stuff.

'Tis the Season

Intelligent Design?

A little girl asked her mother, 'Where did the very first people come from?'

The mother answered, 'God made Adam and Eve and they had children and then all mankind was made.'

Two days later the girl asked her father the same question. The father answered, 'Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.'

The confused girl returned to her mother and said, 'Mom, how come you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said we evolved from monkeys?

'The mother answered, 'Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and Dad told you about his.'

Falafel for Euros

My favorite place to eat in the Adams-Morgan neighborhood is the Amsterdam Falafelshop. It would even be my favorite place to eat in Adams-Morgan if the proprieters weren't my dear friends Scott and Arianne.

And now they take Euros. Check it out.

Wedding Bell Blues

As long as Michel keeps forwarding things, I'll never lack for material:

Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement -- not even her parent's nasty divorce. Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear and would be the best dressed mother-of-the-bride ever!

A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new young wife had bought the exact same dress! Jennifer asked her to exchange it, but she refused. 'Absolutely not, I look like a million bucks in this dress and I'm wearing it,' she replied. Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, 'Never mind sweetheart. I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day.'

A few days later, they went shopping and did find another gorgeous dress. When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, 'Aren't you going to return the other dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could wear it.'

Her mother just smiled and replied, 'Of course I do, dear. I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding.'

English First!

There may be those among you who support including Spanish in ournational language. I for one am 110% against this! We must preservethe exclusivity and, above all, the purity of the English language.

To all the shlemiels, shlemazels, nebbishes, nudniks, klutzes, putzes, shlubs, shmoes, shmucks, nogoodniks and momzers that are out there pushing Spanish, I just want to say that I, for one, believe that English and only English deserves linguistic prominence in our American culture.

To tell the truth, itmakes me so farklempt, I'm fit to plotz. This whole Spanish schmeer gets me broyges, especially when I hear these erstwhile mavens and luftmenschen kvetching about needing to learn Spanish.

What chutzpah!

These shmegeges can tout their shlock about the cultural and linguistic diversityof our country, but I, for one, am not buying their shtick. It's all so much dreck, as far as I'm concerned. I exhort you all to be menschen about this and stand up to their fardrayte arguments and meshugganah, farshtunkene assertions. It wouldn't be kosher to doanything else.

Remember, when all is said and done, we have English and they've gotbubkes! The whole myseh is a pain in my tuchas!

I Love It When a Friend Gets Published

Check out my friend Art Gershman's contribution to the current issue of Intellectual Property Today.

Here's the waaaay cool cover.

You can find the article here.

Jamey Turner's Glass Harp

I've been listening to Jamey Turner on street corners for darned near two decades. He makes astonishing music. He's a born educator. He plays at Mozart Festivals around the country. If you ever have the chance to see (and hear) him, you'll be cheating yourself if you pass it up.

Here are two videos. The first is Mozart.



I'll let you guess on this one. Jamey gives the answer at the very end.

Netiquette for Listservs

I have been working for years to help establish a set of listservs for the volunteers who pay my salary. Eventually we may have 21. Today we launched the first of three scheduled to go up this year.

If you ever need to start a listserv, here's a "Netiquette Guide" I put together by borrowing from other sources. (The sources are acknowledged at the bottom).

After the "Netiquette Guide" is an e-mail I got from a volunteer I'm fond of. It was just the tonic I needed after a day of wrestling with unexpected technical issues.

Netiquette Guide
To ensure that your listserv is a useful, hassle-free service, it’s a good idea for you to familiarize yourself with the Terms and Conditions of use that you agreed to when you signed up to participate in the listserv. It contains the governing rules.

However, many other institutions have developed informal guidance on the etiquette of listserv participation. (The neologism “netiquette” has come to be used to describe this kind of guidance.)

What follows draws from their work. At the end of this document you will find links to that work. They contain additional helpful suggestions.

1. Please do not forward jokes or any other message that you received from someone else unless you have that person’s explicit permission. Once you send it to the list, you cannot control where else it will wind up. If you would not send it out on your own letterhead, please do not forward it to the list.
   
2. Please do not send anything to the list that you do not want seen in public. (See #1).


3. Do not quote your fees on a listserv. Price-fixing is an anti-competitive practice, an antitrust violation, unethical, and a very bad idea. Don’t go there.
   
4. Commercial messages are not permitted, nor are attachments. If you want to send someone an attached file, please do it in a private e-mail message, not by sending it to the list.
   
5. Please do not send copyrighted material unless you own the copyright or have explicit permission from the author to do so. Instead, write a short description about the item and post the URL or Web address of where the copyrighted material can be found.
   
6. Please do not offer to sell or copy software illegally. Software is covered by strict licensing agreements.
   
7. When you participate in a listserv, it is not always necessary to send a reply to the entire list. Please be careful when hitting the reply button, especially if you do NOT want your reply to be read by the entire list. It is often wiser to respond by e-mail, directly to the initial poster.
   
8. When you respond to a message, please edit your reply to quote only enough of the initial message to place your comment into context. You can cut out the parts that aren't necessary, put your reply in the message body, and indicate the omissions with ellipses.
   
   Here’s the model:
   
   Original posting --- Subject: Judge-shopping
   I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately and wonder if anyone out there has any advice or ideas. The prosecutors seem to get notice of who’s sitting in which courtroom on which days. I can’t seem to get the same information from the Court, and our prosecutor friends seem to guard the information quite zealously, albeit courteously. Does anyone know how they get information about who’s sitting where, or how defense lawyers can get it, too, so we’re all on a “level playing field.”
   Bobby Pinn
   B.Pinn@lawsRus.com
   
   Response --- Subject: Judge-shopping – REPLY
   "…Does anyone know how they get information about who’s sitting where, or how defense lawyers can get it, too…."
   
   The deputies at the clerk's office have the information. In my experience, they will provide it to anyone who asks.
   Scott Free
   ScottyF@discountlaw.com


9. Please do not send a reply that just says "Me, too" or some equivalent response. Too many listservs are clogged by hundreds of "Me, too’s.” Listservs die if participants unsubscribe because their in-boxes are getting clogged with too many unnecessary or repetitive responses.


10. If you are replying to a post, it is very helpful to put the word “Reply” on the subject line.
    
11. Please do not send messages without something on the subject line.
    
12. Please proofread your messages. Look for spelling and grammar errors. Your posting will be read by many of your peers.


13. Please do not use all capital letters. On the Internet, this is considered to be SHOUTING!
    
14. Please review the tone of your message. Ask yourself what your reaction would be if you received it. Look for any areas that might be misunderstood and rewrite these sentences to remove any ambiguity. If you are asking a question, please be sure to include enough details about the problem to permit useful responses. Try to keep your messages terse and to the point. Remember, your peers are as busy as you are. Large blocks of text can discourage recipients from reading your message, at all.
    
15. Please do not “flame” people on the listserv. Flaming means insulting people. Again, if you wouldn’t put it on your letterhead, don’t put it on the list.
    
16. Please don't be excessively critical of people's queries posted to the listserv. Many people are new to listservs. If their error is one of etiquette, you could send them a private message and gently make suggestions you think warranted.
    
17. If, in your view, a posting is a clear-cut violation of the Terms and Conditions all participants have agreed to, please contact your list’s volunteer listserv coordinator(s). In consultation with the professional staff, the offending participant will be notified formally of his or her breach and of what consequences can follow, including suspension from the list for a period of time or, in the most egregious cases, termination of the participant’s inclusion on the list.
    
18. Please watch the subject carefully. If a subject starts to go off the topic, those replying should indicate that on the subject line. This will allow recipients to delete off-topic messages.
    
    Here’s the model: “Subject: Expert Witness – Off Topic”.
    
    This indicates that the subject matter is no longer Expert Witnesses.
    
    A better practice, if your response is off-topic, is to start a brand new discussion thread.
    
19. Keep messages short and to the point. If you are going to post a long reply, please indicate that on the subject line.
    
    Here’s the model: “Subject: Expert Witnesses - Long Reply."
    
20. Your signature should be at the bottom of all your e-mails and your signature should be short. It should never be more than six to eight lines long.

This Netiquette Guide draws on the following sources:

http://www.aztcs.org/activities/listservtips.shtml

http://www.iatul.org/discussion/listservetiquette.asp

http://www.msba.org/departments/loma/articles/officemngmt/netiquette.htm

Acknowledgment and thanks are owed to:

The International Association of Technological University Libraries,
The Maryland State Bar Association, and
The Tucson Computer Society,

for posting their netiquette documents on the web.
__________
And here's a truly awesome response:

I have this really funny jke that Im going to forward to you. ITS BEEN GOING AROUND THE INTERNET AND ITS HILARIOUS. Its about Judge Smith, on the Superior Court, and this incredibly stupid thing he did with his girlfriend and wht happened after his wife found out. Geez, he's such an idiot! Seriously, I dont' think he's ever done a single smart thing in his life. What the fuck is wrong with him? Anyway, he called me, looking for lrgal advice, but when I told him I bill $375 per hour, he hung up on me. (By the way, if you ever need a good lawyer, call me.) And I'm bummed he didn't hire me, because handling his case would've been so easy. I was just going to use a copy of a settlement agreement that a lawyer used in another case of mine. It is a copyrighted agreement, but that other lawyer won't find out about it anyway. I just think its stupid to pay for things unnecessarily, ya know? (By the way, if you want a copy of the disk that the agreement is on, just let me kniw.)