Monday, February 26, 2007


OK. RFB's reaction to something I blurted out recently has me thinking we may have illuminated a basic difference about the way boys and girls think about sex.

We recently heard that an adolescent young man of our acquaintance, of whom we're both quite fond, has his first girlfriend. They're both in the 15-16 age range. My first reaction, which I didn't think to stifle, was "I hope she's a tramp."

RFB's reaction was "You're such a pig!"

As we discussed it, she was defending the purity of first love, and bemoaning the early onset of sexual behavior among people she sees as children.

I was reminiscing about how much easier my own sexual initiation was because a couple of my first real girlfriends were more experienced than me sexually.

L. taught me how to kiss when I was in the eighth grade.
B. was the first girl to touch me below the belt, and to guide me to touch her that way.
And D., a girl a year younger and way more experienced than I was sexually, taught me to make love, starting just before my 17th birthday and for a couple of years thereafter.

In all 3 cases, the girls were thought of, generally, as "fast" by the crowds we hung in. And I was so thrilled that each, in her time, had taken an interest in me that I was willing to do anything they said made them feel good. They sure knew how to do stuff that made me feel good.

D. and I had dated for 5 months by the time she decided it was time to take the big step. It took another month to arrange so it could be slow and romantic, and not rushed in the back seat of a borrowed car.

She'd been sexually precocious before that and I think the half year we dated first was a welcome respite for her. She'd already been with a couple of older guys who'd used and discarded her.

I was content to play at whatever level she was comfortable with. It was always farther than I'd ever gone before, and, like I said, it felt good. And she was happy to be with a guy who seemed more interested in all of her and not just her tongue, breasts and vagina (not necessarily in that order).

When we finally made love, I was a couple of days short of 17 and she'd turned 15 a few months before. It was mind-bending, and it remained so for a couple of tempestuous, high-drama, adolescent, angst-filled years.

I look back with great fondness and no small amount of gratitude on those years with D.
I know my sex partners in my later college years and in my early twenties benefitted from how she taught me to please her, and how we both learned to laugh together in bed.

So, whaddya think?

Are their any guys who think my reaction to the news of our young friend's first girlfriend was outrageously pigular?

Are their any gals who think my reaction wasn't?



laughing said...

My first time was just horrid, and I think in part is was because his first time was with a slut.

He had some really strange ideas about what would make me happy. And telling him straight out, this will not make me happy, didn't seem to get through to him. Years of watching porn followed by being with this slut gave him the idea that it was okay. And I guess people on porn tapes don't look like they are having a good time, so maybe he didn't notice that I wasn't having a good time, he just thought that's the way people look when they have sex.

I think people should actually wait to get married. At the time I had this idea that it was okay just to wait for the person you want to marry, and not actually have to be married first. Older and wiser now, so I see that was really a bad idea.

The boyfriend before that one, he totally understood. We did not actually have sex. We did a lot of things that we probably shouldn't have, but we spoke the same language. I want to be with you does not mean that I WANT you right here on the floor. Pretty much anything he did made me happy, even maybe his technique was less than perfect. Since in the end I didn't actually wait to get married, I almost wish my first time had been with that guy, who was totally clueless, who didn't know where to put his hands or anything. The sex itself might still have been bad, but at least I would have known that it meant the same thing to him as it did to me.

Anonymous said...

Having been one of those who did "wait for the person you want to marry", and then actually marry that same person afterwards, my experience is different from both of those presented here.

There is some wondering about what it would have been like had I been more "adventurous", but things would have been a lot different, and looking back, I certainly don't want anything to have been different.

Moonbeam said...

I do NOT feel you are pigular. I like a man to be interested in sex and want to please me and show they know how. Life is short. Sex is a very important part of life, in my opinion. If someone is lucky enough to be sexual with a person with experience or "trampness", to me they are going to have a more fullfilling life and are lucky to have such a sex partner. The "trampness" can also be tender and loving, but ohhhhh so much fun and feel good too. I have no regrets not waiting till I got married. I was 17 when I had my first "all the way experience" and have to admit I did become very adventurous from that age on. Never could understand how you can buy a pair of shoes before trying them way of telling if they are gonna fit nicely.

In other words, I feel the more sex and experience a person can have, the more complete their life will be as the years go on. I look back on my sexual experiences from the time I was 17 as stepping stones to making my body feel as good as it possibly can and have no regrets. I hope I also gave the boys and men I have been with that same feeling.

Call me a tramp, I guess.