Where You Been, DiDC?

Full Clinical Depression.

Panic attack in boss' office on Tuesday morning. Hadda sit on floor with back to wall and breathe. Apparently I slumped to the ground with my head on the carpet. Was revived with offers by boss to call 911 and to get water. I declined 911 and gladly sipped water.

Never had a full-out panic attack in front of someone else before. Once behind a closed door. This was way more embarrassing.

Led to going home and sleeping til MiDC got home at 3:30 and then muttering something about a touch of food poisoning. The fun detail that I almost vomited in boss' office distracted further 10-year-old inquiries.

Stayed home with a pshrink's note faxed into my office yesterday.

Pshrink first faxed blank sheet of paper overnight. I called work real early, discovered from dear friend on morning shift that there was no Rx for sick day on fax machine, just blank sheet of paper. I called pshrink's emergency line. (I realized later this was probably an overreaction.) He called me back. I instructed him in proper use of fax machine and, apparently, the Rx got through.

Woulda slept all day yesterday, maxed to the gills on anti-anxiety pills.

However, I called my best friend on Tuesday after the panic attack but before I drove home. ( I barely remember this.)

He called me at noon on Wednesday and told me to get my ass out of bed. I drove out to his house, visited with his family, talked, cried and ate burgers and greasy fries from Five Guys. Helped big time.

I worked today and will work tomorrow, on reduced load. Boss, boss's boss, HR and colleagues are all being extraordinarily supportive. It helps.

Monday I see the pshrink. Dunno quite what after that. Obviously I gotta work on triggers for downward spiral. Also this physical manifestation is new in the last couple of months. As I said, it happened once behind a closed door a few months ago and once, disastrously, in front of boss, on Tuesday.

It's as physical as can be. Ashen skin, sweaty clammy face neck and hands, dizziness, nausea. Woozy feeling just short of losing consciousness.

Gotta get that to stop.

I'll keep you posted.