Thursday, April 17, 2008

Where You Been, DiDC?

Full Clinical Depression.

Panic attack in boss' office on Tuesday morning. Hadda sit on floor with back to wall and breathe. Apparently I slumped to the ground with my head on the carpet. Was revived with offers by boss to call 911 and to get water. I declined 911 and gladly sipped water.

Never had a full-out panic attack in front of someone else before. Once behind a closed door. This was way more embarrassing.

Led to going home and sleeping til MiDC got home at 3:30 and then muttering something about a touch of food poisoning. The fun detail that I almost vomited in boss' office distracted further 10-year-old inquiries.

Stayed home with a pshrink's note faxed into my office yesterday.

Pshrink first faxed blank sheet of paper overnight. I called work real early, discovered from dear friend on morning shift that there was no Rx for sick day on fax machine, just blank sheet of paper. I called pshrink's emergency line. (I realized later this was probably an overreaction.) He called me back. I instructed him in proper use of fax machine and, apparently, the Rx got through.

Woulda slept all day yesterday, maxed to the gills on anti-anxiety pills.

However, I called my best friend on Tuesday after the panic attack but before I drove home. ( I barely remember this.)

He called me at noon on Wednesday and told me to get my ass out of bed. I drove out to his house, visited with his family, talked, cried and ate burgers and greasy fries from Five Guys. Helped big time.

I worked today and will work tomorrow, on reduced load. Boss, boss's boss, HR and colleagues are all being extraordinarily supportive. It helps.

Monday I see the pshrink. Dunno quite what after that. Obviously I gotta work on triggers for downward spiral. Also this physical manifestation is new in the last couple of months. As I said, it happened once behind a closed door a few months ago and once, disastrously, in front of boss, on Tuesday.

It's as physical as can be. Ashen skin, sweaty clammy face neck and hands, dizziness, nausea. Woozy feeling just short of losing consciousness.

Gotta get that to stop.

I'll keep you posted.


Moonbeam said...

So sorry you are going through a rough spell. Very scary feelings you are having. Nothing to be embarrassed about, you are human.

You are doing the right things, like eating Burgers :). Seriously, please take care of yourself. My thoughts are with you during this hard time.

Keep on keepin' your friends close.

ANON1 said...

Good luck DIDC and take care of yourself. Five guys does HELP BIG TIME. It is truly like eating a small piece of heaven.

Call me if you need to.

Anonymous said...

Thinking of you.

Bubblewench said...

really sorry you are having those. They are awful. I have them too. Thankfully, not as often as I used to.

I really hope pshrink helps.

Five Guys fries will help any ailment. Like Windex in that movie....

Jeremy Schiffres, City Editor said...

The fact that you're able to write about all this so candidly is laudible -- and perhaps therapeutic.
My sincere hope is that it gets better from here. Thinking of you and wishing you all the best ...