Tuesday, April 10, 2007

What Goes Unsaid

After I put the Hamster/Wookiee pictures and post up, I happened to talk to my mom. I asked her if she'd looked at the blog lately, for there she could find a picture of her only grandson, in (almost) real time.

I discovered that my blog is too difficult for her to view very often. She sees the discussions and dialogues concerning depression and it makes her sad for me.

She tells me she's glad I have the outlet of the blog but that reading it is not an unalloyed pleasure for her.

I'm kinda sad about that, but I understand.

On the other hand, a frequent reader, who never comments, has told me that she finds my openness and what articulateness I can muster on the topic empowering. She made my day when she told me that. The phrase "poster child for living with depression" came up and I just beamed. (It had been one of my rottenner days before that.)

The whole thing has me pondering what I do and don't put up here.

One of my inspirations in writing a blog puts everything out there, and I admire him for it. But he's single. Theoretically, if I ever had any teensy-weensy frustrations with RFB, I could not post about them here while they were going on.

Not that I have any dear. :)

But if I did, our marriage functions under the assumption that, if we had any dirty linens, we wouldn't air them in public. Maybe I could post about a challenge we overcame, after it was history, or a topic we'd already agreed to disagree about. But not an on-going issue. I wouldn't feel right about it and it wouldn't seem fair.

Similarly, Monkeyboy can count on only being portrayed in a favorable light, here. I can post about nine-year-old foibles, but really only insofar as he is able to see them as minor. He'd be very hurt to see anything up here that came within even light years of serious criticism or mockery. And he'd be entitled.

Other topics that I must tread lightly on are my evaluations of any specific people I interact with in my work or in my volunteer position(s) at shul.

They're entitled to privacy and it's hardly fair to attack someone in a forum where they may not want to compete.

If I've got a problem with someone in my real life world, I think I need to confront them there, on equal footing.

Not here, where
a) they might not welcome the exposure, at all, or
b) they might not even know about it.

Different bloggers take different approaches to these sorts of issues.

What do you think?


Mrs. Hairy Woman said...

Sometimes it can be difficult to talk about the things that bother you or that are upsetting.. This is a great forum for all bloggers who wish to stay somewhat in disguise.. Do we tell all? Or do we spill the beans.. I don't mind writing about certain events that have taken place in my own life..Then again there are things I wouldn't talk about.. I consider myself to be fairly open and willing to discuss past events in order to heal. With depression it can also help others talk about it. How depression makes you feel inside and how it can affect your everyday "real life". I've been there and now I have little bouts of sadness, but nothing overwheling like in the past. Keep blogging and vent when you feel you can. You don't have to put anyone in an unfair light in a forum where they are unable to have a say.

Anonymous said...

I let certain bits out at certain times. I usually approach evrything as I do in my "real" life, with a sense of humor.
I have blasted people I work with and encounter, but only for purposes of entertainment. I have gotten away from it somewhat these days.
I do not generally let too much out about my true politics or religious beliefs, that's mine and no one elses.
Mostly, I see my little blog corner as a means to entertain people, I try to mix it up and just shoot from the hip.

dmarks said...

It looks like you are handling things with courtesy in mind.

Moonbeam said...

Maybe this old phrase fits or maybe I am a little off topic here: You can please all the people some of the time and some of the people all of the time, but you can't please all of the people all of the time.......so just please yourself. (think I added that last part myself )

I think having a Blog gives you an outlet that you need....to vent, share and enlighten in lots of ways.

I feel like you do DIDC...confront real life world thingies in person. I have always felt "online" can be so misunderstood sometimes when it comes to written words. Even tho comments can be made back and forth between people, sometimes thoughts are lost or hidden with the lack of a few typed words.

However, then I think to myself. What people dont know, cant hurt them. But,then I think to myself, if that person happens to stumble onto a blog and sees its related to them in some way with comments, that might be a shocker and cause some hurt feelings, well....dunno its a hard call not to be open.

I still think your approach is a good one DIDC. Your blog posts are very tasteful, honest, informative, interesting, funny, and open, but in a kind way. If you have something to say, you say it, which is what a blog is for...right?

This rambling of mine tonight, is one reason why I do not have any blogspot going yet. I think I need to remain a frequent commentor :).

Somehow, I feel I have made no sense here and only rambled :) Oh well, it was a long day at Jury Duty today.

Rachel said...

There are some things that I am in complete agreement with.
I won't ever post anything more than childhood foibles about D. There are some serious issues that we both deal with that are not and won't ever be used as blog fodder.
Whenever I blog about a real person I use a pseudonym. Everybody knows that Funny Girl is Wendy/Playtah if they regularly read my blog but that was her choice to disclose that information. I still refer to her as Funny Girl on my blog.
I have only had someone get upset with me one time about something that I wrote on my blog and to be honest I thought they were being petty. They got mad about something that didn't even really involve them. I apologized and then left it at that.
I don't really blog about work other than in the most minimal of terms because I have to make a paycheck so I don't want to bite the hand that feeds me.
There are some topics that I don't write about purely out of respect for family or friends. A lot of my friends and some of my family read my blog. I never kept it a secret but I told everyone that it is my blog to write what I want and if it offends them then they shouldn't read it. My opinions are my opinions and no one can fault me for it.
Well the could but they wouldn't get anywhere.
The times that I write about really serious things are about myself or my own insecurities. Rarely have I lambasted someone else on my blog unless they really deserved it - Like D's step-monster.
The really personal things or potentially harmful things shouldn't be posted in the blogosphere for everyone else to read.

Tara said...

I'm not a confrontational person, so I hold lots of stuff inside, which isn't good. If I'm mad over someone at work, I'll talk about it on my blog just to get it out, but I don't mention real names.

Also, I have a problem posting issues about my family. I won't post many arguments my mom and I have had, and I tend to leave out the issues I have with the rest of my family as well.

Churlita said...

I would never write anything negative about my kids on my blog either.

The guy I've been dating reads my blog and the comments, and he's already cleared some things up that he's read on there. On Saturday, he said out of the blue, "I can cook, by the way." And it took me a minute to figure out he was responding to a comment I made to someone on my blog. That part of it is so weird.

Anonymous said...

I'll tell you what I think, Dave. I think you are a stand up guy, and have a high ethical standard that makes you a very honorable person. I think you write from the heart, and have very little, if anything to hide.

I can sort of relate to the mom not liking to read the blog, thing. I am in the same boat, only it is my father that doesn't like to read mine. But my problem isn't depression, it is chronic pain. I have troubles with my neck and back that cause me enough pain that I have to take some pretty serious narcotics every day, but not so bad that it keeps me from working. I take the maximum dosage of Oxycontin and Norco that is allowed by most doctors, and lemme tell ya, it ain't enough.

I have learned to live with my problem, though, and I think like you, I have a great wife who is selfless enough to put my problems before the inconvenience those problems bring her. I can't imagine life without her.

I think you are being quite responsible with your blog as well.

So, I wish you well, Dave, and I hope tomorrow is brighter than today.

See ya at the train wreck.