How the World Works

From my mom:

Creation

"G-d, I have a problem."

"What's the problem, Eve?"

"I know that you created me and provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, as well as that hilarious comedic snake, but I'm just not happy."

"And why is that Eve?"

"G-d, I am lonely, and I'm sick to death of apples."

"Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you."

"Man...what is that, G-d?"

"A flawed creature, with many bad traits. He'll lie, cheat and be vain. All in all, he'll give you a hard time. But he'll be bigger, faster and like to hunt and kill things. I'll create him in such a way that he will satisfy your physical needs. He will be witless and will revel in childish things like fighting and kicking a ball about. He won't be as smart as you, so he will also need your advice to think properly."

"Sounds great," says Eve, with ironically raised eyebrows, "but is there a catch?"

"Well.....you can have him on one condition."

"What is that G-d?"

"As I said, he'll be proud, arrogant and self-admiring.....so you'll have to let him believe that I made him first. And it will have to be our little secret...............you know, woman to woman."