Monday, February 4, 2008

Running on Empty

I haven't been posting much, or commenting elsewhere. I haven't been engaging much with the real world, either.

Being the parent of an active 10-year-old insures that I can't just roll up in a fetal ball and sleep away the days, the way I did in my twenties when bleakness struck. Thank heavens.

So I'm a much better-functioning adult, thanks to life-saving meds, a competent pshrink, and the love, support, and (in the case of Monkeyboy) needs of those closest to me.

But from here inside my self-generated black hole, the world looks grey and the outlook seems hopeless.

Work's a nightmare. I'm getting a lotta credit for backstopping a lot of things while we hobble along with key vacancies. But it's tiring, scary, and I'm always worrying about which balls are just about to drop.

In other aspects of my life I'm going through the right motions --- laundry and garbage at home, tutoring and worshipping at shul, poker with the guys every couple of weeks --- but I'm nearly anhedonic.

RFB, Monkeyboy, and some dear friends are hip to where I'm at. They try to provide help, comfort or perspective. Sometimes it works. Briefly.

It'll pass.

Soon, I hope.

9 comments:

reflectionsofarabbiswife said...

Been there. Thinking of you.

Jeremy Schiffres, City Editor said...

Thinking of you from afar. -J

mielikki said...

Sending warm thoughts your way, in hopes that soon, you'll be back. . .

Moonbeam said...

Hang in there. Friends near and far are thinkin' bout you, always.

Feel me putting the whammy on you, so feelings of happiness can come rushing thru.

In the mean time, dont let the bluebird of happiness drop messy stuff on the top of your head.

laura b. said...

Thinking of you David. Just knowing that it will pass is a step in the right direction back.

sybil law said...

You're already so lucky to have so many people who care and understand!
I hope it passes soon, too.
:)
xoxoxo

evil-e said...

I have been trying like crazy to my girl above water, so to speak. She seems to have similar issues to the ones you have.

I will not say these lines, I now know better:
"hang in there"
"this too shall pass"
"just try and calm down"
"just try to forget about it"

In dealing with a girl who suffers from depression, I have found that simply listening and letting someone vent might be the best medicine for them some days.

Deal with it in the way you know how. Good luck.

Bubblewench said...

Good Luck. Been there too many times. I know what it's like.

Anonymous said...

Keep your head up man. You know how to reach me.

ANON1