A Lesson in a Pair of Pants

Jack was going to be married to Jill, so his father sat him down for a little fireside chat.....

He said "Jack, let me tell you something. On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants and handed them to your mother, and said, 'Here, try these on.'

"So, she did and said, 'These are too big, I can't wear them.'

"I replied, 'Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will.'

"Ever since that night we have never had any problems."

"Hmmm, "said Jack. He thought that might be a good thing to try. So on his honeymoon, Jack took off his pants and said to Jill, "Here try these on."

So she did and said, "These are too large, they don't fit me."

Jack said, "Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will, and I don't want you to ever forget that."

Then Jill took off her pants and handed them to Jack and said, "Here, you try on mine."

So he did and said, "I can't get into your pants."

Jill said, "Exactly. And if you don't change your attitude, you never will."*

*As always, thanks Michel

Is It Time to Start Wearing Paper Bags Over Our Heads Yet?

Q. What do you call 47 millionaires sitting around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
A. The Washington Redskins.

Q. What do the Redskins and Robert Schuller have in common?
A. They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ".

Q. How do you keep the Redskins out of your yard?
A. Put up a goal post.

Q. Where do you go in D.C. in case of a tornado?
A. To FedEx Field - they never have a touchdown there!

Q. What do you call a Redskin with a Super Bowl ring?
A. Senior Citizen

Q. What's the difference between the Redskins and a dollar bill?
A. You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

Q. What do the Redskins and opossums have in common?
A. Both play dead at home and get killed on the road.

Bayard Rustin and the 2009 March on Washington

My friend Joyce came down from NYC on a bus sponsored by Audra McDonald for the big civil rights march yesterday. We met up amidst 300,000 of our closest friends and had a wonderful time.

Bayard Rustin is one of my personal heroes. He organized the 1963 March on Washington where Dr. King made his "I Have a Dream" speech. He was the principal aide to labor and civil rights pioneer A. Phillip Randolph. He was 20th-century America's foremost strategist, practitioner and teacher of non-violent civil disobedience. That's not my assessment. It was Gandhi's.

Yes, that Gandhi.

It's why Gandhi invited Rustin to study in India after WWII.

Anyway, if you've never heard of Rustin, you're missing a key piece of the history of the 20th century. John D'Emilio's biography, Lost Prophet: The Life and Times of Bayard Rustin, is well worth giving a read.

Part of why you don't know about Rustin is that he was gay. So he lived in the shadows of peace movements, civil rights campaigns and coordinated acts of non-violent resistance that could not have happened without him.

I was tickled appropriately pink to hear his name and spirit invoked often and with due reverence yesterday.


One thing I love to do at political protests is read the signs. The two best I saw were:

A) A body-length placard worn by a thoroughly suburban looking teenager which read "I CAN'T BELIEVE WE STILL HAVE TO PROTEST ABOUT THIS SHIT", and

B) The one I've plucked from twitpics, below:



Joyce and I saw these folks on the Capitol grounds.

It's irreverent, perhaps even to the point of blasphemy for some, but I have no dog in that fight.

JESUS HAD 2 DADS
AND HE
Turned
OUT OK

Effing brilliant. You go, church ladies!

Because Ye Were Strangers in the Land of Egypt...

I got an appeal for contributions this morning, to help people walloped by Typhoon Ketsana and the Pacific Earthquakes.

Rabbi Marla J. Feldman, Union for Reform Judaism (URJ) Director of Development wrote:

As you've seen in the news, at the end of September, Typhoon Ketsana struck the Philippines, Vietnam and Cambodia, causing hundreds of deaths and displacing thousands of families.

A few days later, powerful earthquakes struck the Pacific near American Samoa, triggering three separate tsunami waves, killing over a thousand people, many in the West Sumatran capital of Padang. Subsequent storms killed hundreds of people in the Philippines and millions have been displaced from their homes due to flooding.

Numerous organizations are providing life-saving aid in these areas. For a list of some of the organizations that are accepting donations for this effort go to www.urj.org/relief.

Rabbi Marla J. Feldman
Director of Development
Union for Reform Judaism

To which I'll add only this:

If I am not for myself, who will be for me?
But, if I am for myself alone, then what am I?
And if not now, when?
Hillel
Jewish Sage
(circa 110 BCE - 10 CE)

Mental Health

This post got me to thinking. After I read it, I commented, and then realized that, with some editing, I had my first October blog post:

I've written before about my own stuggles with chronic depression. I am absolutely confident I'd be dead without chemical intervention.

Both my father and my paternal grandmother were suicides, so pshrinks drool like a kennel full of Pavlov's dogs when they hear my family history. The meds put a floor under how sad I can get. I might be miserable, but I don't tip over into suicidal. And when not in the grip of an acute episode, I'm capable of as much joy as any other average twit.

Beyond meds and talk therapy, a couple of other things help.

(A) One is remembering the First Rule of Holes: If you find yourself in one --- STOP DIGGING. Because it's hard to apply the judgment this rule relies on when you're depressed, loving, honest feedback from family and a competent therapist are critical.

(B) Another is the old joke about how many psychiatrists it takes to change a lightbulb. (Just one, but the liightbulb has to want to change.) Again, lovingkindness from those around you is sometimes the only motivation you have left for changing, because the depression obscures your ability to see that change is even possible.

Ultimately, I had to decide for myself to find the help I needed. That entailed, among other things, accepting the idea that depression is an illness, not a character flaw. Crucial to my finally accepting that idea was the encouragement of friends and family.

Withdrawal is a symptom of depression. If someone you love, or even just like, is withdrawing and spiraling downward, reach out to them. There's no guarantee you'll be the right person at the right time, but you might be.

Bibi's Not Usually My Cup of Tea ...

but this definitive denunciation of Holocaust denial and defense of Israel made me proud of him.

Redneck Fire Detector

Forwarders make my day.

Jeff Foxworthy was doing this particular gag more than a decade ago, as a zinger.

It works just as well as a sight gag:

Hit Count

This time of year, the hit count on my blog goes way up, with people looking for funny pumpkin pictures, funny turkey pictures, and funny Santa pictures.

I noted this on my Facebook page recently. (By the way, if any of you have not yet friended me on FB, especially if you will join my Mafia Wars gang, what in blazes are you waiting for? We have thugs to whack!)

A good friend saw my FB post and sent this picture along. Her daughter is a published oncology expert who also finds time to make birthday cupcake burgers for vegetarian friends:




Bravo, friend's daughter!!!

Her Secret Garden

This is truly an amazing x-rated illusion - make sure that the kids are all tucked up in bed before watching!

Okay, watch this lady magician....where does she hide it ??? This is filmed in a Montreal Theater, and is a magic show that you won't see on American TV!

Amazing Kreskin, Houdini , Blaine, Copperfield,................. get out of town!!!

You'll probably have to watch this more than once.*

*Thanks, Michel

Speak English!

An old friend posted this on her Facebook page. Does anybody know the source? I'd like to shake his/her hand.

Truth in Advertising?

More likely this is creative use of photoshop. But if I saw it on the road, I'd probably veer into a telephone pole from laughter.



Speaking of which: Who was Alexander Graham Belsky? (Answer to be found as the first comment to this post.)

Wisdom and Chuckles

My mom forwarded these.

My mom's pretty awesome.

If the rich could hire other people to die for them, the poor could make a wonderful living.
Yiddish Proverb

The wise man, even when he holds his tongue, says more than the fool when he speaks .
Yiddish Proverb

What you don't see with your eyes, don't invent with your mouth.
Yiddish proverb

A hero is someone who can keep his mouth shut when he is right.
Yiddish Proverb

One old friend is better than two new ones.
Yiddish Proverb

One of life's greatest mysteries is how the boy who wasn't good enough to marry your daughter can be the father of the smartest grandchild in the world.
Jewish Proverb

A wise man hears one word and understands two.
Yiddish Proverb

"Don't be so humble - you are not that great."
Golda Meir (1898-1978) to a visiting diplomat

Pessimism is a luxury that a Jew can never allow himself.
Golda Meir

Any intelligent fool can make things bigger and more complex. It takes a touch of genius - and a lot of courage to move in the opposite direction.
Albert Einstein

Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.
Albert Einstein

Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
Albert Einstein

You can't control the wind, but you can adjust your sails.
Yiddish proverb

I don't want to become immortal through my work. I want to become immortal through not dying.
Woody Allen

Imagination is more important than knowledge.
Sign hanging in Einstein's office at Princeton .

We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them. Albert Einstein

Edward Langley Was Right

What this country needs are more unemployed politicians.

Sometimes, Michel Forwards Stuff That's a Little Racy

I'm pretty sure this one should be filed under:

It seemed like a good idea at the time.

Rock Hard Bagels Live!